The Colors of Rage
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Sometimes Raph just needs to hit something. However, other times...not so much.


Casey doesn't know why he asked for them…okay, well, if Raph is honest with himself, Casey probably knows part of the reason Raph asked for them, but Raph knows for certain that he hasn't guessed the whole reason. Raph has been trying to deal with his anger in more constructive ways, but there are just times when he needs to hit something. More often than he wants to admit, those times are when Raph's brothers are being particularly obnoxious. Each one of them does certain things that just get on his nerves more than their behavior really should, and, for those moments, Raph has these babies.

Three punching bags, each a different color, and all three are worn and well used. Admittedly, however, the blue and orange ones are a bit more beat up than the third. However, as far as Raph is concerned, that's a good thing, because he'd rather not have to stop in the middle of his workout to patch the purple one that he's currently pounding on - like he so often has to do with the blue one. He keeps punching and kicking the bag, hoping that soon enough he'll burn through his rage, but Raph has been doing this long enough to know that he'll run out of energy long before he runs out of fury.

It isn't often that Donnie angers him enough that Raph feels the need to do this, but even Donnie has his days. Today…well, Raph's not sure if Donnie is just being more snappish and snarky, because he hasn't been sleeping lately, or if Raph is just more susceptible to losing it, because Donnie seems to be targeting him with his insults and odious jests. Normally when Donnie gets like this, each of his brothers gets an equal piece of his overly complicated and offensive wit. Today, however, it seems as though Raph has been receiving the brunt of it, even though he has been doing his best to steer clear of the overworked genius. However, there's only so much that he can take, and Raph hit his breaking point some time after breakfast and before training.

Raph growls out of frustration as he slams his fist into the violet colored bag again. It doesn't matter if he knows why Donnie is being so hurtful or not. The pain of Donnie's words - which are currently running on repeat in Raph's head - only fuels his temper more, and Raph knows that if he doesn't just stay in his room, pummeling the bag, and exhaust himself, then he'll end up doing something he really regrets…like punching Don in the face repeatedly. He doesn't know how long he's been in here, taking everything out on the bag, but Raph wagers it's been long enough that sooner rather than later one of his brothers is going to attempt to talk to him about his rage issues. He hopes it's later…much…much later, but Raph also knows that things never tend to go his way.

It turns out, he's more right about that than he thought, because not two seconds later there's a loud knock on his door. Raph doesn't know who it is, but, he does know one thing, it's best for everyone if said person just walks away now, so he doesn't bother to answer. Instead, he just hits the bag harder; making sure that the sound of his punches carries further and louder than before. It's a long moment before there's another even louder knock on the door. Raph growls as he kicks the bag with all of the force he can muster. "Go away!" At this point, even if it's Master Splinter, Raph doesn't care. Now isn't the time for him to try and have a rational discussion about anything with anyone.

"Raph, it's Donnie. Can we…uh…talk for a moment?"

The sound of his brother's voice only infuriates him more. Raph can't even reply at first. Instead, he just grunts and continues hitting the bag. After he's gained enough control over himself to actually ground out words, Raph begins to speak, but he still doesn't stop punching the bag. "No! You hear the sound of me hittin' something, right, Don? If you don't want the somethin' I'm hittin' to be you, go away!"

There's a loud heavy sigh that surprisingly doesn't get drowned out by the sound of Raph's fists meeting the bag. "I…I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. It's wasn't fair of me to accuse you of not caring about anyone but yourself and purposefully breaking my inventions over the years, and…and I really never should have implied that we don't trust you, Raph, because it's not true. You know that, right?"

The more Donnie speaks the harder Raph's hits are until that last line. At that, Raph just stops, freezes all over, mid punch, and then his arms snake around the bag, hugging it tightly to his chest. This is the second reason he had Casey get the different colored bags for him, because sometimes he wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around one of his brothers, but he can't…not when he's feeling like this, because he can't trust himself not to hurt them.

It doesn't surprise Raph that his brothers don't trust him, either…not really. He's always secretly been afraid of it, but it's not as though Raph doesn't understand why they would feel that way. His control has always been tenuous at the best of times, and it's only gotten worse over the years. No, Raph doesn't question if his brothers trust him, because he knows the truth. He just wishes that the realization of it didn't hurt so badly.

The fact that Donnie is standing outside of his door, desperately trying to put the cat back in the bag now, only makes Raph hate himself more. He knows that his brother is aware of his hurt and he's just trying desperately to placate him. Raph doesn't need, nor does he want, Don's pity. Raph's grip on the bag tightens for a moment as he swallows down the lump in his throat. "Yeah, I get it, Donnie. Just give me a few hours."

"Uh, Raph, it's already been a few hours." There's a pause, and then Donnie's voice gets a bit louder and a bit more distressed. "Don't you think you should come out now? You've stopped punching…whatever it is you were punching, you're probably dehydrated, and I'm sure you're hungry by now."

Raph shakes his head, even though he knows Donnie can't see it. He's not nearly calm enough to leave his room yet. He doesn't think that he'll ever be calm enough again, but in a few hours he might just be exhausted enough to pretend. "Nah, I'm good."

"Raph, I'd really rather see you and make sure that you're okay."

Raph can't hold back the laugh that escapes his mouth. It's a pained, wretched sound that leaves his throat feeling like he just swallowed glass. Raph doesn't think he'll ever be okay again, but he certainly can't tell Donnie that. He clears his throat and tries to ignore the pain when he swallows again. "Not right now, Don. I've…I've gotta just…I gotta handle some shit first."

Donnie sighs heavily again, and Raph is absolutely certain that he's going to walk away…that he's going to try apologizing one more time, but ultimately leave, which is why he nearly throws something when he hears his door scrapping against the floor as Donnie forces it open a few seconds later. "Raph, I really am sorry, but…" Don trails off as he catches sight of his brother.

Raph immediately releases the bag when he realizes that he's still clutching the damn thing and moves faster than he ever has before to stand in front of it, blocking the indigo colored bag from view. He doesn't know what to say, so he goes with the first thing that pops into his head. "How'd you get in here? The damn door was locked, Don, for a reason, I might add." His brothers know better than to come into his room uninvited, and he doesn't invite anyone in…ever.

Donnie gives him that self-satisfied gap-tooth grin that he always gives when he's a little too proud of himself and his accomplishments. "I picked the lock…by hand." He holds up the tools he used, but his smile dims a little at the glare on Raph's face. "I kind of figured you wouldn't be able to hear the scrapping noise of the lock pick if I did it manually while you were speaking."

Raph's glare only intensifies at Don's explanation. Apparently, he planned this little breaking and entering excursion from the start. "Go away, Donnie!"

Donnie shakes his head as he steps closer towards his brother. Raph is starting to feel like a caged animal. He growls in warning, but Donnie pays it no heed. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I know I've been really horrible to you today, but I was just really stressed, and tired, and annoyed, and I took it out on you, and…and I know that's no excuse, but I really didn't mean anything I said. We trust you, Raph. I trust you, and I know that you care about all of us. We all do, and we all break things, too. I'm also sorry for all of the other insults and stuff. I know you're not stupid, and…"

"Don, it's cool." Raph can't stand being backed into a corner in his own room and he knows that the only way to get Donnie to leave without bodily removing him is to just have this out with him. "I forgive ya. It's no big deal. We all have our bad days." Raph does his best to give his brother his 'it's all good' smirk, but he swears that if he hears Don say anything about how Raph especially has more of them than the rest of his brothers, Raph will literally kick him out of his room.

Donnie stares at him for a long time before he finally nods and lets it go. Raph is about to release a sigh of relief that it's all finally over and he can go back to relieving his stress when Don clears his throat. "So, uh, where did you get a purple punching bag?"

Raph rolls his eyes at the question, hoping that Donnie will just think it's a joke and not…well, not more than that. "Where do ya think? Casey got it for me."

Don nods as though he completely expected that answer. Honestly, sometimes Raph wonders why Donnie bothers asking questions if he already knows the answer. "And do you, um, hit it often?"

Raph eyes narrow at that. Surely, his brothers can hear how often he punches the bags in his room. It's not as though he tries to do so quietly. However, one glance at Donnie's face and it's clear to Raph that Donnie probably figured out the significance of the color long before he asked where Raph got it. After all, it is a very specific shade of indigo. "Not nearly as often as I hit the blue and orange ones."

That makes Donnie's expression brighten a little as he laughs, but before long Don's brow creases in consideration. "Do you hug the other ones as well?"

Raph instantly tenses at the inquiry. He kind of figured that Donnie would just write that off as Raph exhaustedly leaning into the bag, but even Raph knows that there's no hiding the way he was clutching at the bag. He hangs his head, unable to look his little brother in the eyes right now. "When I need to."

Raph doesn't even have time to register what's happening before there are two thin, yet muscular arms wrapped around him tightly. "You never need to. You know that, right? We're here. You can always come to one of us." 

Raph shakes his head as he tries to pull out of his brother's grip, but Donnie is holding on pretty fiercely right now and the last thing Raph wants to do is hurt him. Hell, that's one of the major reasons he got the bags in the first place. He doesn't have a good way to explain to Donnie - or really any of them - why there are times that he just can't go to them, but he knows himself well enough to know that there will always be times when he can't. He exists to protect them, even from himself, and this is just one of the ways that he attempts to do so. Raph doesn't think that any of them will ever really understand that…not with the way that he acts and the fact that he knows that - no matter how much he tries - he still fails fairly regularly. "Nah, I'd just end up hurtin' you guys."

Donnie tightens his hold, which is pretty impressive, because Raph didn't think that was actually possible. "You don't hurt us."

Raph scoffs as he puts a bit more effort into getting away. "Said it yourself, Don, I'm a big meathead, who's only real talent is breaking things, punching people and inanimate objects, raging like a bull, and fighting. Think that pretty much sums me up."

Donnie frantically shakes his head and his voice sounds strained, like he's trying not to cry. "It doesn't. It really doesn't."

Raph doesn't want to fight with him…not now…not about this, but Donnie is still holding him so tightly that he can't get out of the hold unless he uses some of their more painful techniques. "Course not, still got my stubbornness and rage, after all."

Donnie shakes his head, and Raph is absolutely certain that if Don tightens his grip anymore he will have broken ribs or a cracked shell to deal with. "You still haven't mentioned your bravery, protectiveness, strength, and love, Raph. You possess all of those things, and they're infinitely more important pieces of yourself than the results of your angry outbursts."

Raph rolls his eyes. He can't take any more of this. He shifts as much as he can to jab his fingers into the soft flesh underneath Don's right arm and starts tickling him. The move has the desired effect as Donnie practically jumps away from him. Raph rolls his shoulders and neck and then smirks at his brother. "Careful, Don, you're starting to sound an awful lot like a certain sappy brother of ours."

Donnie glares as he folds his arms over his chest. "Possibly because said brother knows what he's talking about, Raph." Don suddenly smirks at him. "Trust me, I'm a genius."

Raph shakes his head as he pushes Donnie out of the room. "Yeah, yeah, now get out, genius. I'm hungry and thirsty, and Mikey better not have eaten all of the pizza again."

Don doesn't protest as Raph shoves him out of the room and shuts the door behind them. The two of them make their way down to the kitchen in relative silence. When they enter the kitchen, Donnie turns towards Raph with an open expression. "Raph, I really did mean what I said back there. You're a good brother and I love you."

Raph rolls his eyes as he starts digging around in the refrigerator. "Yeah, I know." He grabs a piece of leftover pizza, places the box on the table, and starts eating the pizza cold. "And Don? You too."

Donnie smiles as he grabs a piece of pizza for himself. "Thanks, so what do you say we finish this," he holds up the rest of the pizza, "while we watch a movie?"

Raph smirks as he grabs drinks for both of them. "Sure, but if you don't go invite Mikey to this party, you know he's gonna whine for all eternity."

Donnie nods as he gestures for Raph to grab a few more drinks. "You're right, and we should probably ask Leo if he wants to join us, too. However, if we're inviting Mikey to watch a movie with us, then we should probably finish the pizza in here first."

Raph doesn't get a chance to say anything before both Mikey and Leo walk into the room. "Did I hear someone mention a pizza movie party? Well, what are we waiting for? Come on, bros!" Mikey grabs the rest of the pizza out of Donnie's hands and runs into the other room.

Raph chases after him with the other two following closely behind. "Mikey, I swear if you eat all of that pizza, I will pound you!"

The four of them gather around the TV, and, while Mikey and Raph are bickering over picking out the movie, Raph overhears Leo whispering to Donnie from where they're sitting. "So, is everything okay between you two?"

"I think so." Raph can't see Don's expression from where he's sitting next to their pile of movies, but, from the tone of Donnie's voice, he sounds rather uncertain.

Suddenly there's a shifting sound behind him and Raph guesses Leo just pulled Donnie into a hug. "It'll be okay. After all, Raph and I fight all of the time."

Raph rolls his eyes as he leaves Mikey to the task of finding a movie and plops down right in between the two. "Yeah, well, that's 'cause you're a dork, Leo. And we're fine." He nudges Donnie a little for more room, and Donnie doesn't say a word as he slides over a bit.

Raph is just about to yell at Mikey to hurry it up and pick a movie when a giant green ball of shell hits into all three of them. "Turtle pile!"

All three of them get the wind knocked out of them, but before Raph can push Mikey off of them, he feels the other two wrap their arms around him as well. Raph is really reconsidering his idea to sit between them now that they've got him blocked in and Mikey is stretched out over all three of their legs, but before long he sighs and gives in. "You didn't even pick a movie, did you?"

Mikey turns his head to face him the best that he can in his current position and smiles brightly. "We can do that later. Besides, you left the great movie search first."

Raph rolls his eyes once again, but he can't keep the smirk off of his face. "Fine, whatever you say, little brother."

The End


End file.
